A Hodgepodge Beginning

It is a scary place to begin writing about my struggles with depression and how a diagnosis of "mentally ill" landed me in a psychiatric hospital and changed my life for better and for worse. So, I will begin writing and see if my first blog takes us to an interesting place. My stories will be out there for the public to read, judge, comment and criticize because as we all know the subject it still taboo and well.....most people have strong opinions about the sensitive subject of mental illness.

I still cringe when I go to the dentist, dermatologist or join a new fitness program.  I know the dreaded question "what prescription medications are you currently taking" is bound to surface! I can hardly remember the names let alone the spelling of all the generic medications that I take.  Quite frankly the last thing that I want to do is share with the family dentist or my new fitness trainer that I am "crazy".  I can feel their stares, hear the condescending tone and see the judgment on their faces. I want to gently tell them that I take these medications but I am not crazy...I am smart, successful and intuitive!

I know that I am not crazy and neither are You but I can't help wondering what the unknowing will think!  For those who do not know us or are afraid to seek help please understand that we are successful Doctors, Lawyers, Professors, Poets, Musicians, Administrative Assistants and Homemakers. More often than being recognized for our unique perspective, artistic abilities and other success we are labeled criminals and felons.

Burned into my brain is the day that I had to renew my driver’s license after my little stay in the Psych Ward. I was sitting in an abnormally deserted and eerily quite DMV with one of my more wild and fun friends.  My “fun friend” carries a different set of morals than myself which is one of the many reasons I love her, she shares a different perspective on life and how boring to only be friends with people exactly life you. Anyway,  I was completing the renewal application, my mind a little fuzzy from incorrect medications, and OH NO right under have you ever been convicted of a felony...... is..... Have you been treated for a psychiatric disorder within the last six months?

My heart skipped a beat, I could feel my body tense up like I had been kicked in the stomach and my face go from pale white to a hot beet red. What should I say; will I have to confess my sins to the government? To the entire world? Will this ever go away? Does seeking treatment for depression make me an unfit driver, unsafe behind the wheel, a criminal, a killer? What about all of the people with mental issues that do not seek help....they are out there driving around!! What will happen if I lie BUT worse what will happen if I tell the truth? I HATE to be lied too thus I despise to lie.  I knew I was a competent and safe driver but with a mental illness it would need to be determined if I was sane enough to judge this for myself. The label of crazy can often lead to a loss of freedom so who would want to condemn themselves to this fate? I turned to my friend for guidance and she mutters in a stern voice "Don't you DARE check YES!!!"